


Just Let It Happen

by intersexmycroft, peggymarsh



Category: James Bond (Classic movies), Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 06:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intersexmycroft/pseuds/intersexmycroft, https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggymarsh/pseuds/peggymarsh
Summary: “John.” Sherlock took a visible breath before continuing. “We must find Mycroft a boyfriend.”Sherlock was right, it was good that John was sitting down for this, but that unfortunately didn’t help the tea going up his nostrils and making him cough like he was dying — part of him felt Sherlock had timed that.“What’s wrong with his… current boyfriend?” John said, eyes wide, still coughing in between words.He realised his mistake as Sherlock’s expression suddenly matched his.“Hiswhat?!”





	Just Let It Happen

“John. Sit down.”

John had just finished pouring a nice cup of tea when Sherlock spoke, with the most ominous expression John had ever seen, still wearing his robes and with dark circles under his eyes.

So, from the get go, he knew something was wrong and about to go downhill.

“Sherlock, did you sleep at all…?”

“John, _please_.” Sherlock gesticulated to the living room. “We need to talk.”

That did nothing to help John’s wariness. In fact, it made it worse. When did Sherlock ever just want to _talk_? God knows he had tried to get him to talk about things from small to big, and never ended up with a clear answer of any kind.

“What are you going to do with me?” John asked, stirring the tea as, against his better judgement, he made his way around Sherlock to the living room.

“More like, what am I about to tell _you_. I think you better be sitting down when I finish,” Sherlock said, way too softly, leading John by the elbow to his chair.

John didn’t like the sound of this.

“Okay…” he said tentatively, cocking an eyebrow and sipping the tea. “What is it?”

“John.” Sherlock took a visible breath before continuing. “We must find Mycroft a boyfriend.”

Sherlock was right, it was good that John was sitting down for this, but that unfortunately didn’t help the tea going up his nostrils and making him cough like he was dying — part of him felt Sherlock had timed that.

“What’s wrong with his… current boyfriend?” John said, eyes wide, still coughing in between words.

He realised his mistake as Sherlock’s expression suddenly matched his.

“His _what?!_ ”

John had assumed Sherlock knew, as siblings usually keep in contact with one another, but the Holmes were strange maniacs, and of _course_ he didn’t know. There was also the chance that it was a recent development… a thought he had originally discarded because no black car showed up to make him sign any kind of non-disclosure. It occurred to him how strange it was that that train of thought was normal.

_Bloody hell._

“I saw him with someone and—”

“You must’ve seen _wrong_. As you often do, with your minuscule brain, where you see facts and truth and come up with the wrong conclusions no matter how clear they are,” Sherlock replied with an air of superiority, trying to pretend he wasn’t hyperventilating a sentence ago, and still talking much too fast.

“They were _touching_ , but okay, maybe it was the _one_ time in his life that he was in a good mood and he overplayed being friendly.”

Sherlock crossed his arms and went back into shock. For a second John thought that maybe he would agree, just to spite him, but he just made a noncommittal sound.

“....What?” John prodded after the silence stretched for way too long for his comfort. Sherlock turned back to stare at him.

“Well, go on! Describe what you _‘saw’,_ and this mystery person”, Sherlock said pettishly, as if John should’ve known it. “Their whereabouts, what they were doing, how you spotted them in the first place — start talking!”

John considered for a few seconds before answering. “Remember when Harry and I went to dinner? Your brother was there,” he made a vague hand gesture, “with the ‘mystery man’.”

“What were they doing?!”

“Having dinner…?”

“What does he look like?!” Sherlock almost shrieked and John backed up a little to regain his composure.

“Uh… he had brown hair and was sitting down...” It’s not like he had paid that much attention.  Alright, perhaps he did try to hide behind a bush to get a better look at the guy — with a very questioning Harry at his back — but it was night and the lamp posts weren’t really that lit, so, really, he didn’t know much. Or not as much as Sherlock was asking of him.

Sherlock huffed. “You truly don’t pay attention to anything, do you? What was his hairstyle? What clothes was he wearing? Rings? Glasses? Shoes? Aftershave smell? Was he older or younger than Mycroft? Strange mannerisms, visible scars? Mobility aids? What did he sound like? Did you notice any accent?”

John hurriedly cut him off as he took a deep breath to continue.

“ **_Sherlock_ ** _!_ I didn’t stop to chat! Seeing Mycroft behaving like a normal person was weird enough as is. Why don’t you just _ask_ him? Or would you rather investigate it and make things unnecessarily complicated, since you’re so good at that?”

Sherlock narrowed his eyes and got up from his chair. John blinked.

“What…?”

“You’re not lying?” Sherlock cut him off, getting uncomfortably closer.

John took an instinctual step back. “What? No!”

“Really?” He moved slightly closer again, staring into John’s eyes like a deductive demon.

“I’m not lying, Sherlock", John said, standing his ground and staring right back at him.

Sherlock paused, then fell back with a huff. “Damn it! You’re really not lying.”

John blinked again, raising a hand. “Why in bloody hell would I lie about this? All I ‘gained’ was an interrogation!”

“For all I know, Mycroft could have paid you to get back at me for…” Sherlock stopped. “You _know_ Mycroft.” John decided not to ask what he had been about to say, some things are better not known. Such as, the fact that Mycroft had been shagging some guy this entire time. Sherlock continued, “But say you _are_ right… and you’re _not_ lying. There can be only _one_ explanation for this.” He swooped around, to then nod securely. “He’s doing this on purpose to trick me!”

_Jesus Christ._

“Or. He just has a boyfriend.”

“No, he does _not!_ ” Sherlock jumped towards his table, pushing papers and books to the ground, and John winced. “But, oh, two can play this game, John!”

“Oh, Lord. No. No, I was _joking_ , you are not—”

“Yes, I am! _We_ are!” Sherlock threw a notebook at him. “I’m catching a cab, try making notes about this man on the way!” His voice was already fading down the stairs by the end of the phrase.

John sighed. He should’ve known Sherlock would take him up on that.

The next thing John knew they were in a very upscale strip-club with people who seemed well-acquaintanced with his flatmate, which was an entirely different level of wanting to die. It seemed to be just that kind of day. The men were all in a weird stage of dress halfway between citizens and nightly performers, some in suits, some in uncomfortably small… _clasped_ underwear. Even those dressed casually made it evident that they had more money than John ever would, which made him question his choice of profession… His workout regime… And other things.

And, the fact that more than one person there seemed to know Sherlock from times prior made him question why he was there at all.

“And _none_ of you know this man!?”

Sherlock seemed desperate. His stripper friends continued to text their colleagues, to see if anyone knew Mycroft, but none seemed to. Unwilling to follow the conversation between his dear friend and a man in boxers, he texted Harry, who had been confused the night before, a summary of their morning. Text after text that only seemed to get longer as time went on, then...

> [ HARRY. ] sdkjfksdjflsdkfjdskfljsdflkdsf;;;

It confused John, and he eloquently let his sister know.

> [ JOHN. ] ?
> 
> [ HARRY. ] lolfdfdg dude i dont think he hired a stripper lol
> 
> [ JOHN. ] please give me a good reason for that so we can leave
> 
> [ HARRY. ] can u imagine that stuffy bloke at the stripper club? lmao complaining abt the music. asshole w a real big calculator sitting upright like an accountant?
> 
> [ HARRY. ] doing equations 2 see whose ass is more equiparativeting lol dude thats not a stripper its some other boring guy
> 
> [ HARRY. ] more ‘oooohhhhhh boyfriend i love when u discuss taxes’ less stripper stuff  like this dude michael probably doesnt know any song written after 1829
> 
> [ HARRY. ] u sure ur buddy just doesnt wanna check boys asses
> 
> [ JOHN. ] no harry you don’t understand, Sherlock is VERY SURE of it
> 
> [ HARRY. ] john….
> 
> [ HARRY. ] have i told you ur smart roomie is actually a dumbass
> 
> [ JOHN. ] a few times
> 
> [ HARRY. ] how is he a priv detective if hes this bad at reading his own brother
> 
> [ JOHN. ] I’m afraid even sherlock holmes isn’t immune to family bias
> 
> [ JOHN. ] and it’s consulting detective, don’t let him catch you saying that
> 
> [ HARRY. ] right………… im EXTREMELY scared

John had to admit she had a point, Mycroft wouldn’t attend such a place under any circumstances and the whole concept was ridiculous and a little scary. He giggled at his phone, and Sherlock shot him a disgruntled look.

“John, I feel you’re not taking this operation very seriously”, Sherlock said, narrowing his eyes. John sighed. He was trying his best, if it was of any comfort. As much as he could try when it came to standing around in a stripper club when he hadn’t even finished his first tea cup of the day.

“Why do you want Mycroft to date so much in the first place?”

“You _know_ what he’s like. This has no downside.”

“Sherlock, let’s just get your brother a _dog_ . Or a _cat_ . He sounds like he’d like a cat better. Or just let him _date the guy he’s been dating so far_.”

“HE’S NOT DATING!”

 _Jesus_.

“Wait, your brother? This snot’s your brother? Aww...” The stripper seemed to think it was heartwarming or funny, which was making Sherlock furious. “Ya taking care of his heart? You want to give his new boyfriend a pep talk?”

“He’s. Not. Dating. **_Anyone_** _!_ John saw him last night with someone, and he claims they’re... sentimentally involved, but scientifically, it cannot be true!”

“That was absolutely a date”, John retorted.

“You didn’t even see the mystery man’s face!”

The stripper giggled. “Is that what you’re calling your new brother-in-law?”

Sherlock _gagged_ at that.

“Anyway, where did you see them, John? We know people working at almost every restaurant worth knowing... It’s gonna be easier if I ask my waiter friends.”

John sighed.

After the relevant information was given, the strippers started to text once, while John eyed Sherlock. At least he, too, was starting to get uncomfortable. John wondered if being in a room with so many men that were... _technically_ attractive, also gave him strange jealousies and penis envy. He tried to lull it out, but the only way to do so was to stare at a blank wall with furious intensity, focusing on its cracks, corners, and stains.

“JOHN!”

Sherlock jolted him back to reality, after what seemed like… An indeterminate amount of time, he actually felt like he’d exited the entire concept.

“My friends have a _‘_ lead _’_ on the mystery man’s case! There are no clues in the wall!”

“... I wanted to, um... Leave nothing to chance.”

Sherlock raised an eyebrow. They stared at each other for a few seconds before he said, “ _Well?!_ ”

“Oh, right.” John got up. “What did he say?”

Sherlock tapped his phone screen, swooping around.

“Apparently, my brother and his mystery ‘date’ were spotted… So, it’s ‘possible’ you saw him, but it still could have been, and likely was, not a date.”

“... Right.”

“Perfect! Let’s move then.”

“Can we _at least_ stop for breakfast on the way?”

“... No.”

 

> [ JOHN. ] please dont be busy because if i dont text you this entire whatever im gonna go nuts
> 
> [ HARRY. ] bro. im here for u. also im curious. but im mostly here for you.
> 
> [ HARRY. ] ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Tam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamiTifer/pseuds/TamiTifer) and [Peggy](https://peggymarsh.tumblr.com/) for motivating me to write and post and giving this coherence!


End file.
